Do not be friends with one given to anger or associate with a hot-tempered person, lest you learn his ways, and entangle your soul in a snare. Proverbs 22:24-25, TLV
6 Ways to Untangle Ourselves from Anger. Ouch! I grew up around hot-tempered people. It’s no wonder I struggled with anger issues. Still, just because I have that history doesn’t mean it’s not a sin when I lose control. Knowing the origins is only truly helpful in helping me change. And fortunately, the LORD got a hold on me about that.
There was a moment when I realized I needed to change — that I had become the giver of pain and distress to others, rather than the victim of someone else’s issues with anger. The moment happened when God opened my eyes to truly see the sweet young face of my daughter. Her countenance was covered in fear and rejection. In her face, I saw me as a child, and it made my heart stop.
That awareness of going too far was the first step in changing. To learn how to be angry without sinning (Ephesians 4:26). To realize that anger comes from a place of hurt that morphs into insecurities, fear, ego, and self-centeredness. Anger protects those things and keeps us from moving forward in our faith and wisdom journey.
Once I began to understand this, I had real breakthroughs. It’s been a long journey, but worth every painful moment.
6 Steps
There are some simple steps that help me control my anger. To keep me from getting tangled in its snare—or untangle me. I hope they are helpful to you.
- The “Okay, God” Prayer. That “arrow” prayer that says, “I might go ballistic, Lord. Help!” Feel free to use a different phrase that’s meaningful to you. The point is to give ourselves a solid touch point in the whirlwind of our emotions. To know we’re accountable for whatever comes from of us—words, behaviors.
- Breathe. Pay attention to the next time you get angry. How are you breathing? Typically stress, particularly anger causes us to hyperventilate. Deep breathing regulates our heart rate and provides that much needed oxygen to the brain — and goodness knows we need that.
- Walk it Off. While there are times we need to walk away from a highly volatile situation, this step is about walking away for a few minutes to get control of our anger and breathing. Physical activity helps us take control of both anger and breathing.
- Awareness. Being aware of the state of our body is a critical component to taking control of anger. If we’re tired, hungry, or over-stimulated, we have less ability to control our emotions and things can quickly escalate a bad situation into a terrible one. It’s easier to blame our lack of control on these things, rather than taking responsibility for our actions. Which keeps us from truly resolving the issues at hand.
- Count to 10. Yes, our grandmother’s advice has merits. Counting to 10, or more if you need it, refocuses our attention on our anger rather than the other person. It’s also helpful in regulating our breathing.
- Keep Good Company. Surround yourself with people who are even-tempered. And, even more important, aren’t afraid to tell you when you’ve gone over the line.
Discovering how to understand our bodies and our history will help us to overcome our issues with anger. Our Heavenly Father has sent us the Comforter and Counselor who will instruct us in how to overcome sinning in our anger.
If we struggle with temper issues, the safest place for us is to be in
the company of those who have control of their anger — who have an even-temper. Which is the point of today’s proverb.
Exposing ourselves regularly to those who do not know how to be angry without sinning is not healthy. Whether we have an anger issue or not, it’s not good. Today’s proverb tells us it will ensnare us.
If we’re in a situation/friendship/work relationship like this, it’s important to begin praying how to untangle ourselves as soon as possible. It will be complicated. And know that this untangling will also be difficult and painful. But it will be worth it.
Think More About It
Have you been or are you ensnared by anger. How have you or will you escape?
Until tomorrow, may we be free from the snare of a hot temper, my friends.
So lay aside lying and “each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:25-27, TLV
Perhaps today, we agree to not sin in our anger as we pray for Israel. What does that look like? Only the Holy Spirit can tell us. Let us pray that neither we, nor Israel sin in our anger so that we are not tangled in its snare. God bless you.
