One who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13, TLV

8 Ways to Listen Better.     Ever watch a game show? How quickly the contestant can come up with the answer will be the difference between winning or losing. Getting the big bucks.

Would that be considered listening? It seems more and more that is how we’re listening to others. We hear just enough to answer. But what are we hearing?

Research

There’s research out there that suggests we only remember between 25 to 50 percent of what we hear. That means when we talk to our boss, colleagues, customers, children, or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. And that means, we do the same thing to them. So how can any of us truly answer? What are we saying?

That’s a bit disconcerting, don’t you think? We’re responding to only half of what we listen to, and people are only hearing half of what we say. It kind of explains a lot. Why there are so many misunderstandings. Why people feel they aren’t being heard.

We Can Do Something

We can’t do anything about other people, but we can do something about ourselves. That begins with truly listening.

What does listening look like? Feel like?

Let’s begin with the basics:

1. When someone is speaking to us, give them our undivided attention. If we can’t give them the time, then schedule time when we can.
2. Put aside distracting thoughts, activities, and the cell.
3. Recognize that non-verbal communication “speaks” loudly — with them and with us. [If we are distracted, it will show. If we are interested, it will show.]
4. Look at the speaker directly.
5. Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.
6. Not. Interrupt. Unless they have spoken nonstop for more than five minutes, let them speak. If you nod, and quietly affirm with “yes” or, my favorite, “uh huh” it will allow them an opportunity to breathe and pause.
7. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal or response while they are speaking. If an answer or response is required, give us some time to form it based on more than 50% of what we heard.
8. If we’re able to summarize the speaker’s comments and what they’re trying to tell us, then we’ve truly listened.

Practice these skills with your family. Don’t tell them. Just do it. See if it makes a difference in how you listen. How you communicate.

Full Attention

Parents, what beautiful lessons you’ll share with your children when you turn off the stove, the television, the computer, or phone and listen to what your kids want to tell you. Full attention. How I wish I had done more of that when my daughter was a child. You can be sure, I do it now.

The most important thing you can win is the respect of others — especially your loved ones. Listening well means our answers will carry more value. And that’s a good thing.

Think More About It

How do you listen? What lessons have you learned about listening on your Wisdom Journey?

Until tomorrow, may listening always be part of our answer, my friends.

… (let the wise listen and increase learning and the discerning obtain wise counsel)… Proverbs 1:5, TLV

Goodness me, does Israel leadership need this bit of advice. Listening and increasing learning to discern what is wise counsel. Everyone has counsel and criticism for Israel, don’t they? Shall we agree together that they will only listen to the wise counsel of mature believers and the Most High God? Amen? Probably wouldn’t hurt to pray the same for us, too. God bless you!