Prudence makes one slow to anger and his glory is to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11, TLV
Using Prudence? Ah, yes. One of my favorite words: prudence. But, using prudence as a means of self-control for anger is interesting. Just as a reminder, the definition of prudence is to be wise in practical affairs, as by providing for the future; caution with regard to practical matters; discretion. In other words, actions we take, or don’t take, with an eye to the future.
Then there is one of my least favorite words: offense. An offense is defined as something that outrages the moral or physical senses. Outrage is a pretty strong word, don’t you think?
So how does prudence mitigate outrage — or at least, anger?
A friend posted a meme about perspective and got me thinking. If we’re too close to a problem, that problem can seem bigger than it really is.
Okay. Now, prudence makes sense.
How we handle offense is about perspective — having a broader view,
including a view for the future aids in overlooking an offense.
The First Phase of Offense
Handling offenses — big or small — is important to our emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. If we handle them in the early stages, it is so much easier to resolve and move on. And isn’t that what we all want? Here are a few tips that have helped me over the years. Each tip should begin with seeking our Father’s will and a reminder of prudence:
- Admit it hurts. Keeping a “stiff upper lip” or “letting it roll off” of us seldom works. If it hurts, just admit it and move on to the next phase. Remind ourselves that we will be forgiving this person, regardless.
- Intentional or unintentional. We don’t always know because we can’t see into someone’s heart. The easiest way is, of course, to ask, however this doesn’t always work out. Remind ourselves that only GOD can know hearts.
- Ready to speak, or wait? How do we know?
- Ideally, if we’re able, address the offense immediately. Be careful to address the comment and how it came across to us — not their Remember GOD can use this uncomfortable situation.
- For me, if my heart races, I blush and feel like crying, or lashing back — or all of the above — it’s probably not wise for me to speak. Generally, our best course of action is to excuse ourselves, politely. Remember that our Father is all about reconciliation.
- Big or small. Here’s where perspective plays a major role.
- Was the one who caused the offense, someone we know? Respect? Who typically doesn’t offend us? Then I would place the offense in the small category — even if it really hurt. Once I’ve licked my wounds, I would probably just forgive them and move on without saying anything (Proverbs 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8) Remember the blessings of this relationship.
- However, if the offense doesn’t meet these criteria, look at the offense within the context of whether we’ll continue to have dealings with this person. Does their offense really impact our future? No? Then let it go. Forgive and let our Father help us heal. Remember forgiveness heals and sets free.
To forgive or not to forgive?
Forgive or not forgive? For the record, there is no question. No matter the offense, we must forgive (Luke 11:4) because He first forgave us. Otherwise, we’re ungrateful children, and our Father won’t be happy (Matthew 6:15). If we are dealing with an unhealthy situation, it doesn’t mean we continue contact with this person. But we do have to forgive.
We are emotional, complicated beings. Taking care that we don’t carry offenses around like a ball and chain is important. By the way, we should also take care that we don’t offend.
We’re works in progress, aren’t we? And we’re beyond blessed that our Father is so patient. Let’s be sure to respect and honor our hard-won redemption by forgiving. Because there is a future in that.
Think More About It
Do we struggle with holding onto offenses? Struggle to forgive? How can we work toward a healthy, prudent way to manage those emotions?
