As I sometimes do, I was reading previous blogs I’d written over the years. I came across one that I had written a few months after I was held up at gunpoint back in 2016. That story is amazing, but this blog dealt with the aftermath of the traumatic and miraculous event.

I wish I could tell you that I had no symptoms of PTSD. The episodes weren’t severe by any means, but they were jarring when they occurred. And that blog dealt with one of those episodes.

Here I was back at the Jersey shore for the first time since the event, with my writing friends, just like the prelude to the holdup. As I normally did, I took my morning constitutional at sunrise — the first for this retreat. Walking on the boardwalk, then walking back on the beach.

I was mostly alone, but every time a man walked toward me, behind me or by me, my heart raced. Rather than looking at the incredible scenery, I found myself looking behind me, around me. It wasn’t peaceful as it had always been. It was tense.

My earbuds were only partially in as I wanted to be able to hear if someone came up behind me. Fortunately, I could still hear the worship music. And because the buds weren’t securely in my ears, I could hear the ocean waves.

I sang. I watched attentively. I walked.

When I completed the walk, I didn’t feel that sweet sense of accomplishment. At least, not right away. I wondered if I would be able to do it again the next morning. Was I brave enough to overcome the fear?

Later that day, I realized God had given me the courage. I could have just given up and not completed the journey. I could have given in to the fear. So, I made a deal with my Heavenly Dad: I’ll walk even in fear if He provides the strength. Of course, He honors those types of deals.

What I also learned was to be more wise when I walk. I do need to pay attention to my surroundings. I can enjoy them and be observant to any warning signs He gives me. To not be blasé, but vigilant. Aware.

Many of us have bad things happen to us. Serious things. Hurtful things. Disappointing things. Divorce. Death of a loved one. Losing a job.

In the aftermath, as God heals us, we can be fearful of getting back out there — back into life. It can make us anxious. Just know, that’s normal. It’s part of us integrating the lessons we learn from those challenging events.

The key is to get back out there. Walk with God. Step out, even though you’re scared. Eventually, as we step out, those lessons we learned will mature us and cause us to be more than what we were.

Each day of the retreat, I walked. By myself, but not alone. Each day, the fear lessened, but the lessons remained. And that’s a good thing.

May we step out, even in fear, with God, my friends.

Proverbs 1:33, Tree of Life Bible Society, Tree of Life Version – TLV #tlvbible#tlvproverbs